So, Your Friend Or Family Member Wants a Divorce
I'm sure everyone's been in this situation - one of your good friends or family members come to you and tell you they want a divorce.
Usually, your reaction to this statement will vary depending on the situation and how you feel about the "better-half.
" You might be tempted to talk them out of it or, on the other hand, encourage them to give it another try.
What should you do? In my experience as a family law attorney there is definitely a top 10 list of what "to do" and what "not to do.
" No.
1 - Don't assume you know all facts that go into your friend or family member's decision to seek a divorce.
Often times, the person that is closest truly is the last to know all the horrid details.
No.
2 - Make sure that you do things with your friend that takes his/her mind off their miseries.
If you always get together and just talk about the divorce, soon you will get burned out and your friendship will start to struggle.
You need to continue to groom the things that made your friendship strong before the marital problems started.
Not to mention that your friend is probably eating, sleeping, living the divorce 24/7 and some time off from that will give them a renewed attitude and help them to see that there will continue to be life after their divorce.
No.
3 - If you have personal knowledge that the marriage involves drug or alcohol use or physical abuse, immediately try and get your friend or family member professional help through a counselor, clergy, or shelter specializing in such issues.
No.
4 - Ease his/her financial burdens by sharing.
Offer clothing your children have outgrown.
Provide baby-sitting to save expenses.
Share the harvest of your garden when it yields more vegetables than you can consume.
If you can afford it, buy a book or magazine you know would encourage him/her.
Little things like these add up, and presented as friendly gestures, they won't affect his/her pride.
No.
5 - Avoid crutches.
Healthy coping does not involve chemical crutches like excessive drinking, drug use or prescription drug abuse.
Watch for signs that your friend may be turning to unhealthy crutches.
No.
6 - Do provide emotional support.
They will need to call any hour of the day or night-and expect it at the most inconvenient hours.
You will be their bright light in their dark hour.
Do not offer anything if you will not do it.
No.
7 - But don't be their therapist.
If the issues in your conversation get a little heavy, remember that you are not a trained therapist, counselor or psychologist.
Don't try to prescribe answers to emotional problems.
Help them find someone specialized to provide help in this area such as a local Divorce support group.
No.
8 - Resist the urge to tell them to "get back out there.
" A divorce can cause a severe emotional strain and the last thing a separated or divorced person should be doing is rushing into the very stressful dating process.
No.
9 - If divorce is imminent, get a referral from a source you trust to a mediator or an attorney that will help them through the legal process.
No.
10 - Don't go and hunt the other person to cause them physical harm.
The last time I looked at the Texas Penal Code "they deserved it" didn't constitute a defense to assault.
Usually, your reaction to this statement will vary depending on the situation and how you feel about the "better-half.
" You might be tempted to talk them out of it or, on the other hand, encourage them to give it another try.
What should you do? In my experience as a family law attorney there is definitely a top 10 list of what "to do" and what "not to do.
" No.
1 - Don't assume you know all facts that go into your friend or family member's decision to seek a divorce.
Often times, the person that is closest truly is the last to know all the horrid details.
No.
2 - Make sure that you do things with your friend that takes his/her mind off their miseries.
If you always get together and just talk about the divorce, soon you will get burned out and your friendship will start to struggle.
You need to continue to groom the things that made your friendship strong before the marital problems started.
Not to mention that your friend is probably eating, sleeping, living the divorce 24/7 and some time off from that will give them a renewed attitude and help them to see that there will continue to be life after their divorce.
No.
3 - If you have personal knowledge that the marriage involves drug or alcohol use or physical abuse, immediately try and get your friend or family member professional help through a counselor, clergy, or shelter specializing in such issues.
No.
4 - Ease his/her financial burdens by sharing.
Offer clothing your children have outgrown.
Provide baby-sitting to save expenses.
Share the harvest of your garden when it yields more vegetables than you can consume.
If you can afford it, buy a book or magazine you know would encourage him/her.
Little things like these add up, and presented as friendly gestures, they won't affect his/her pride.
No.
5 - Avoid crutches.
Healthy coping does not involve chemical crutches like excessive drinking, drug use or prescription drug abuse.
Watch for signs that your friend may be turning to unhealthy crutches.
No.
6 - Do provide emotional support.
They will need to call any hour of the day or night-and expect it at the most inconvenient hours.
You will be their bright light in their dark hour.
Do not offer anything if you will not do it.
No.
7 - But don't be their therapist.
If the issues in your conversation get a little heavy, remember that you are not a trained therapist, counselor or psychologist.
Don't try to prescribe answers to emotional problems.
Help them find someone specialized to provide help in this area such as a local Divorce support group.
No.
8 - Resist the urge to tell them to "get back out there.
" A divorce can cause a severe emotional strain and the last thing a separated or divorced person should be doing is rushing into the very stressful dating process.
No.
9 - If divorce is imminent, get a referral from a source you trust to a mediator or an attorney that will help them through the legal process.
No.
10 - Don't go and hunt the other person to cause them physical harm.
The last time I looked at the Texas Penal Code "they deserved it" didn't constitute a defense to assault.
