I think that far too many people think that once you are married, the relationship that you had with your fiance becomes, and they all lived happily ever after.
It would be nice if that was what happened but reality is not like that.
Real life is not what you see in the movies, it is not what you see in the soaps, it can be hard work, although it does have its rewards.
Your marriage is a work in progress and if you want a long and happy marriage then it will continue to be a work in progress.
Your relationship with your partner up to this point was a learning curve.
You learnt almost everything to know about your partner, their interests, their likes and dislikes, their habits and of course your compatibility.
The real relationship begins on the day that you get married.
Your world changes once you get married.
If you were not living together previously then you are spending a lot more time together, you might not be able to go out with your friends as often, you are learning that there is no more I, there is us.
Now this does not mean that you are going to have to merge your identities, can you imagine how boring a relationship that would be! You may be two equal halves of the relationship but you still remain separate individual with your own needs and emotions.
To achieve a happy marriage you have work in partnership with each other.
The thing about people with different wants is that sooner or later they are going to clash.
Whether you like it or not you are going to argue, how your marriage progresses depends upon how you handle conflict.
You could try and ignore problems, pretend that they do not exist, the only problem is that does not get rid of them.
The longer that you take to solve a problem, the more opportunity it has to poison your relationship.
If you want to deal with problems effectively you have to deal with them calmly and rationally, take one at a time, do not play the blame game and look to achieve a compromise where both of you are happy and both of you can say, we dealt with this, together.
You will not be able to discuss problems if you do not communicate.
At the start of your relationship you shared your hopes, dreams and emotions with each other, just because you are married that does not mean that you have to stop doing so.
If you do not talk to each other and share each others lives then you will drift apart.
If you do not talk to each other then little issues that could have been dealt with easily suddenly spiral out of control and might even wreck what remains of your relationship.
If you do not speak to each other then do you not think that is a bit sad? You went on dates before you got married, I guess that you had a great time, so do not stop.
You are never, ever to old to go out on a date.
Regardless of what you do, take a vacation, go to movie, go for a walk or just curl up in front of the T.
V it is vital that you spend quality time together as it strengthens and reaffirms your bond, and not forgetting that it is fun as well.
If you have kids then I am more than sure that Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles etc would be more than happy to spend some extra time with them.
Your relationship needs that time to be for you, with no distractions just you two.
At the very least you need your time once a month, if you can, make it once a week, more would be good.
Your marriage might be a never ending work in progress but I think that it is worth it.
Treat your partner with affection and respect, every day tell them that you love them, accept the flaws in your partner as they have to accept yours, learn to compromise and work for solutions that strengthen your relationship, if you make a mistake or in the heat of the moment hurt their feelings then apologise, no matter what is happening in your lives spend some quality time together and communicate, communicate, communicate.
And most importantly of all, have a long and happy life together.