Being an Ally
Being a proponent of equity in the United States, as well as being an ally to the GLBT community, is a strong component of my purpose in life.
The GLBT community cannot achieve equity without support from those of us who are straight..
..
..
people just like you and me.
Straight For Equality has put out a booklet entitled "guide to being a straight ally" that tells us how to create safe spaces to talk about the barriers faced in becoming an ally, how to get specific recommendations for action, and learn how to assist others in becoming conduits for change.
In their pamphlet, they give us five ways to start moving equity forward for your friends, family and co-workers.
Step One: Be informed about GLBT issues.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
Wonder and inquiry is the touchstone of a relationship.
If you are open and honest about what you want to know, and recognize that while most of our GLBT friends, neighbors, family members and co-workers are not that different from us, there are differences that you need to understand so that you can speak to them in conversations with others.
Step Two: Talk about it.
Include what you have learned through your research and dialogue with the GLBT community in conversations you have throughout your day.
You will get more comfortable with it the more that you do so.
Don't be afraid to speak up when you hear something offensive in regard to racism, sexism or homophobic in nature.
Most people would not dare to make a racist joke in a public forum, but GLBT jokes are VERY common.
We all learned when we were kids how much words hurt, and it makes a big impact when you have the courage to speak up in these situations.
Several years ago, I was giving a presentation to the administrative staff, and the president of the student council, of my local high school about the problems I perceived in the school related to the GLBT students, whether out or closeted.
I was explaining to them that by not insisting upon a cessation of derogatory comments being made in the classrooms and hallways of the school that they were encouraging the hurtful behavior of the students.
I pointed out the phrase "that's so gay" was as harmful as the "n" word.
Most of the administrative staff scoffed at me, until they noticed that the president of the student council was weeping.
When they, in very real concern, asked her why, she said "You have just been told that words hurt, and yet you are blind to the impact that those words have on me every single day.
I am a lesbian.
When I sit in calculus, and the boy in front of me says "that's so gay", I am offended - in fact, I'm devastated.
And my teacher laughs with the rest of the class and does nothing to stop it.
" They were astounded, especially her calculus teacher who was sitting at the end of the table.
She then went on to say that she had remained closeted in school because of the violent behavior of some of the students toward GLBT students, and the apathy of the teachers in stopping that behavior.
She further told them that she (the top student in the school) would not be going on to college because her parents had just given her a set of luggage and told her that she would be leaving the presence of their family the day after she graduated from high school.
Sometimes people just need to be told, upfront and personal, just how much these "acceptable" slurs hurt.
As an ally you will find that the more often you speak up, the less often it is needed as people around you begin to change.
Step Three: Share with others Don't be afraid to share the experiences you have with your GLBT friends and family members with others because you fear for their comfort level.
As I am more and more open about being the mom of a gay child, I am finding many others who have close friends and relatives who are gay.
I am so proud of my children, both biological and "adopted", and I, like most parents, don't hesitate to take the opportunity to brag on them.
It gives others an opportunity to learn, grow and join in the conversation.
It allows them to wonder and ask questions about things they don't know.
Step Four: Support Equity Do you know the difference between equity and equality? Equality is the concept that "everyone deserves a pair of shoes".
Equity takes that one step further, to "everyone deserves a pair of shoes that fit".
Equity as defined in the American Heritage Dictionary is "justice applied in circumstances covered by law yet influenced by principles of ethics and fairness; the state, quality or ideal of being just, impartial and fair.
" Equality is "the state or quality of being equal".
What a difference in thought process! Speak up at work, your religious affiliations, school and civic/social organizations.
Many of these organizations still have policies in place that stifle equity.
You can make a difference by sharing your thoughts and feelings, bringing another perspective to the conversation.
Step Five: Come out of the closet As an ally.
Will some think you are gay? Yes.
Set them straight (no pun intended) or let them continue to think it.
You don't have to speak up for all GLBT issues, but stand up for the ones you feel strongly about.
We need you.
The GLBT community cannot achieve equity without support from those of us who are straight..
..
..
people just like you and me.
Straight For Equality has put out a booklet entitled "guide to being a straight ally" that tells us how to create safe spaces to talk about the barriers faced in becoming an ally, how to get specific recommendations for action, and learn how to assist others in becoming conduits for change.
In their pamphlet, they give us five ways to start moving equity forward for your friends, family and co-workers.
Step One: Be informed about GLBT issues.
Don't be afraid to ask questions.
Wonder and inquiry is the touchstone of a relationship.
If you are open and honest about what you want to know, and recognize that while most of our GLBT friends, neighbors, family members and co-workers are not that different from us, there are differences that you need to understand so that you can speak to them in conversations with others.
Step Two: Talk about it.
Include what you have learned through your research and dialogue with the GLBT community in conversations you have throughout your day.
You will get more comfortable with it the more that you do so.
Don't be afraid to speak up when you hear something offensive in regard to racism, sexism or homophobic in nature.
Most people would not dare to make a racist joke in a public forum, but GLBT jokes are VERY common.
We all learned when we were kids how much words hurt, and it makes a big impact when you have the courage to speak up in these situations.
Several years ago, I was giving a presentation to the administrative staff, and the president of the student council, of my local high school about the problems I perceived in the school related to the GLBT students, whether out or closeted.
I was explaining to them that by not insisting upon a cessation of derogatory comments being made in the classrooms and hallways of the school that they were encouraging the hurtful behavior of the students.
I pointed out the phrase "that's so gay" was as harmful as the "n" word.
Most of the administrative staff scoffed at me, until they noticed that the president of the student council was weeping.
When they, in very real concern, asked her why, she said "You have just been told that words hurt, and yet you are blind to the impact that those words have on me every single day.
I am a lesbian.
When I sit in calculus, and the boy in front of me says "that's so gay", I am offended - in fact, I'm devastated.
And my teacher laughs with the rest of the class and does nothing to stop it.
" They were astounded, especially her calculus teacher who was sitting at the end of the table.
She then went on to say that she had remained closeted in school because of the violent behavior of some of the students toward GLBT students, and the apathy of the teachers in stopping that behavior.
She further told them that she (the top student in the school) would not be going on to college because her parents had just given her a set of luggage and told her that she would be leaving the presence of their family the day after she graduated from high school.
Sometimes people just need to be told, upfront and personal, just how much these "acceptable" slurs hurt.
As an ally you will find that the more often you speak up, the less often it is needed as people around you begin to change.
Step Three: Share with others Don't be afraid to share the experiences you have with your GLBT friends and family members with others because you fear for their comfort level.
As I am more and more open about being the mom of a gay child, I am finding many others who have close friends and relatives who are gay.
I am so proud of my children, both biological and "adopted", and I, like most parents, don't hesitate to take the opportunity to brag on them.
It gives others an opportunity to learn, grow and join in the conversation.
It allows them to wonder and ask questions about things they don't know.
Step Four: Support Equity Do you know the difference between equity and equality? Equality is the concept that "everyone deserves a pair of shoes".
Equity takes that one step further, to "everyone deserves a pair of shoes that fit".
Equity as defined in the American Heritage Dictionary is "justice applied in circumstances covered by law yet influenced by principles of ethics and fairness; the state, quality or ideal of being just, impartial and fair.
" Equality is "the state or quality of being equal".
What a difference in thought process! Speak up at work, your religious affiliations, school and civic/social organizations.
Many of these organizations still have policies in place that stifle equity.
You can make a difference by sharing your thoughts and feelings, bringing another perspective to the conversation.
Step Five: Come out of the closet As an ally.
Will some think you are gay? Yes.
Set them straight (no pun intended) or let them continue to think it.
You don't have to speak up for all GLBT issues, but stand up for the ones you feel strongly about.
We need you.